Fell In Love With A…

Jack White growls in his angsty anthem “Fell In Love With A Girl” that he has in fact, fallen prey to an unsuspecting predator – which I’ll (probably regretfully) name the “In Love”. The visual I paint with my chosen metaphor is not a favorable one, I’m well aware. Then again, neither is Jack’s, really. And a few lines in particular stay with me, as I run the question over and over again in my head “what is being in love?” -

“these two sides of my brain
need to have a meeting
can’t think of anything to do
my left brain knows that
all love is fleeting “

Earlier in the song, he lays evidence to the fact that this girl he’s “In Love” with has a boyfriend already, and that to her, kissing another guy isn’t considered cheating. Nevertheless….he’s in love.

So back to my question – what is being In Love? Really, what is it? Sometimes I have to wonder if it’s not just a pretty way of saying “I’m infatuated with someone I barely know because I have all my idealistic hopes and dreams riding on this one.”
Now hold off from your gasping and head shaking, and brow furrowing, and hear me out completely….and THINK…..before you prematurely judge, and don’t consider my point as possibility. Here’s an extremely typical situation, in my opinion, that I’m fabricating in order for you to see where I’m coming from with this. Be you man or woman, I’m sure you can relate on some level:

Two strangers, a single girl and a single guy, put on their Sunday best and most alluring scents and head to a party of a mutual friend. Neither of them know the other is going and neither of them are expecting to be set up – but inside, they both acknowledge the idea of there being the possibility of meeting someone special.
They mingle at the party as they drink, they catch each others’ eye and decide that at some point in the night, they need to get acquainted. So they drink a little more to pass the time and work up courage. Finally they talk, they laugh….they set up a date and it goes really well. The guy’s made sure he’s pulled out all his chivalrous stops and the girl has made sure to sound witty as well as flirty. They leave the date feeling high, elated, excited….and it goes on like this for weeks. They both declare “I’M IN LOVE, THIS PERSON IS AMAZING” and proceed to turn their short-term courtship into the beginnings of a hopeful long-term relationship.
As time goes on, they really get to know each other and each others’ quirks. Of course they’re still “in love” (right?), but things get comfortable and they both reveal more and more. Each of them are puzzled by the person they’re now getting to know a little better and not sure how to completely understand – because they’re certainly not the same person they fell for months earlier. But they swear…..still in love.
Comes the day when they decide to meet each others’ parents. It’s a nice replay of their first date for a while – pretty clothes, manners, and the like. They get in the car, ready to head over to her parents’ place for dinner, when he mumbles “Man, it had to be tonight…the last game of the (fill in parenthesis with appropriate season’s current playoff sporting event) is on…” A surge of anger sweeps over girl, and she snaps at him for being insensitive and asks if the game is more important than her and her family. He insists he was “just sayin’ ” and she persists in getting angrier at “his selfishness” and why would he even say something like that? A fight erupts and they both arrive at their destination upset and confused. Is this the same person I was so into in the beginning? How did I not see this side of them? I’m not so sure about this anymore…

Does this scenario sound familiar? Obviously not play by play, but on a larger scale, I highly doubt any one of us hasn’t experienced something similar.
My point is….with all those raw emotions and latent expectations we try so hard not to project, I am confused as to what being in love is, as opposed to simple infatuation. When does being In Love become real and stops being some delusional, lusty game of chase?
In lots of cases, people get through this phase and really begin to understand who they’re with and love them fully. They can deal with, look past or even cooperate with each other to help change anything that may be a hindrance to the relationship. I value those abilities highly and wish them on every couple I know. But this is how I believe mature love is born. So in the middle of it, or maybe on the way to it, was there the “In Love” monster? Was it different from infatuation in these particular couple’s cases?
I know there are studies that tell us exactly what goes through a person’s body when they’ve hit this emotional state. By this, I mean the specific chemicals have been laid out, the amounts, the reasons, the high and low points. And because of this knowledge, we are also made aware of just how long this chemical lasts at its height in our systems. Ever hear of the three month Honeymoon Period? That’s where that comes from..so scientifically, there’s a time table for the in love feeling.
So is it real? Is it infatuation cloaked in denial? … I can’t fully agree with Jack when he says ‘all love is fleeting’, but when it comes to being infatuated, is there more often than not, a secure safety net called love? This is a grey area for me, these two sides of my brain need to have a meeting ….I said it once before but it bears repeating.

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